Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Halloween For Divorced Parents

Tonight's cocktail is the last beer I enjoyed on my deck before the Frankenstorm hit. We did fine, aside from cabin fever. We never lost power for some reason, home damage was minimal, and school and work started back today. While being thankful for these blessings, I'm thinking of my tribe, real and virtual, who are north of me, hoping they're safe and wishing for quick cleanup and restoration.

For Halloween, Tweak was Yellow Bird from Angry Birds, and Tink was some sort of fairy, not, she was very specific on this point, a Disney fairy. If you're looking for someone to explain instructions for cute DIY costumes, I don't do that. Yellow Bird came from Target. Tink chose her own outfit and asked for a sequined top and fairy wings from Target to supplement, and the mask was just a bonus. Done and done. It's how I roll.

Ground rule: do NOT pretend that Mommy is a pig and try to knock her over. Or Daddy. Or other children or the neighbors or their pets.
Halloween is one of those holidays you don't really anticipate when you're devising a settlement agreement with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. It's not religious, and it's usually not an extended-family-intensive occasion, but at the same time, you don't want to miss it. The kids are cute, and they still want to be seen with you and hopefully aren't yet trying to dress like prostitutes. Plus, there's the opportunity to score some candy for yourself. You want to be there. You can't blame your ex for wanting to be there, too. So, Halloween is a joint venture for me and my ex.

At various points, she was doing martial arts moves. Mentally, I dubbed her the "Don't-F*ck-With-Me Fairy."
Every year, we've trick-or-treated in my old neighborhood, the one where I lived for 9 years before the divorce, where many of my neighbors saw me pull up one day with a U-Haul, my friend Chrissie, and a couple of really sweet Nicaraguan guys, then sob loudly in the driveway while they moved my stuff out. I pull down the street every few days to hand off children and/or their belongings, but I always feel sheepish and fear judgment, even after all this time. It's awkward. It just is. God bless the former neighbors who are kind to me even though I don't always know what to say or do to make the situation seem more normal.

Anyway, I post this stuff not to be a downer, but to give a shout-out to everyone who sucks it up and trick-or-treats with an ex-spouse, even when it's awkward. At least there's candy. And, these are memories I'm glad we both get to have of the kids, and that they get to have of us, being grownups and letting them have their night, their way. All I ask in return is a cut of the candy.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds a lot like my last several Halloweens. Last night we went around together for a bit but then my ex and her boyfriend went to a mutual friend's place to hang out. We then met her there and they took our son around for a bit. Somewhat awkward but my son really loves Halloween and this time we had a couple of his friends along too, at least in the early going.


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