Sunday, December 30, 2012

Merry and Sometimes Not So Bright

Tonight's cocktail is hot chocolate with Bailey's. I happened to have received some fancy Williams Sonoma hot chocolate as a gift, but mainly the point is that it's a delivery device for Bailey's, which is the nectar of the gods. Come to think of it, that would explain a few things about the gods.

Photo from - lots of good recipes!

I hope everyone had a great Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwaanza/Solstice/Rising of Gaknar/whatever you celebrate this time of year, if anything. Mine was great, having followed through with my non-sucking holiday resolution by taking my kids to Chicago to spend Christmas with my aunt's family instead of to the larger family gathering in North Carolina to face judgment and have panic attacks. We did some small outings, ate and drank well, met nice people, and enjoyed each other's company. There were a few minor instances of ordinary kid misbehavior, but they were quickly squelched, and nobody made a big deal out of it. Mostly everything was awesome.

Now the kids are with their dad for a few days. I definitely miss them, but I'm also enjoying the time to myself. I've done a little cleaning and organizing, but mostly I've been writing - I'm working on a novel these days and have been using the time to give my imaginary friends some extra attention. Also, if you have kids and don't periodically need a break from them, you are a big fat liar with your pants on fire.

I've been thinking about what to blog for several days, and then I realized that the biggest service I can offer is to make others feel better about their parenting, organizational skills, and poise. To that end, I offer an airport vignette from last week.

Scene: Midway airport, early morning, flying with Tink and Tweak back to D.C. Airport security took forever, but there was a food place across from our gate. I got bagels for everyone and a 20 oz coffee for me, which I was anticipating drinking with an eagerness that bordered on obscene.

I totally would if I could sometimes.
I paused at a table to get everyone gathered, which my kids took as a cue to start eating. There didn't seem to be any boarding happening at our gate, so I checked my phone for the time. It was 5 minutes before our flight time, I'd just received a text saying our gate had been moved 20 doors down the concourse, and then I heard them page us. I grabbed bags, kids, and coffee, and we raced off.

It wasn't pretty.
We arrived at the gate, out of breath, just as the attendant put his hand on the door. He raised his eyebrows at me, and I fumbled for our boarding passes. I had to set down a bag to do this, so Tweak took this as a signal to sit down and get comfortable with his bagel. Right as I pulled out the boarding passes, Tweak dropped his breakfast behind the seat. It was still wrapped up, so I reached down to try to get it for him, and my beloved coffee flipped over and spilled all over me, the seat, and the carpet.

Hyperventilating, I abandoned the cup, gave our boarding passes to the attendant, and summoned both kids to follow me. Tweak had unwrapped his bagel, which he promptly dropped, cream cheese side down, on the floor in front of the boarding gate. He started wailing. The attendant was trying not to laugh. I bundled together my children and what was left of my dignity and assured Tweak that I would share my breakfast with him if he would just please for the love of God get on the plane.


Of course, we'd missed the A-group Southwest boarding for which I'd paid $30 per ticket extra, but thankfully we didn't have any problems getting anyone to change seats so that we could sit together. This might have had something to do with the crazed, desperate imploring look in my eyes, or with the fact that I plunked Tweak down in a seat next to a 20-something hipster and conspicuously handed him a barf bag.

I like to think that the holiday spirit moved people, though it did seem to be moving them far, far away from us. Ah, well. And, scene! You're welcome.


  1. I love reading your blog. I bet your book will be amazing. You are inspiring!

  2. Are you sure you and Tweak aren't New Yorkers? I can totally see missing my flight due to a bagel/coffee incident - with or without my children.

  3. I love what you said about writing to make others feel better--I feel like that's what it's really all about for me too. And your pics are fantastic--I need that Starbuscks drip ASAP. Thanks for linking this up with #findingthefunny.


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