Monday, June 9, 2014

Eventually, He Gets There


Tonight's cocktail is a seasonal beer on my deck, winding down from an amazing blogging conference over the weekend that left me wanting to write ALL THE THINGS. Awesome experience, promptly followed by a flat tire on the way to school and work this morning, because, apparently, fuck me.

No, stupid flat tire. Fuck YOU.
Anyway. When Tweak was little, and I started having that sinking feeling that quite possibly The Boy Ain't Right,* it was because everything was such a goddamn struggle. Whether it was the sensory issues that had him flailing like a rabid octopus at the mere mention of a haircut, or the fact that he couldn't or wouldn't pedal his tricycle, and would in fact sit on it and scream for me to push him, making me want to bitchslap whoever thought to put push handles on tricycles, I became increasingly concerned.

Case in point: shoe tying. I remember learning to tie my shoes in kindergarten, probably because my mom was sick of tying them for me, and there was no such thing as velcro. Nowadays, they don't stop making velcro shoes until around size 3 or so, and not needing one more thing to argue about or slow our morning progress, I always got velcro. From time to time, we would work on shoe tying, but Tweak has the world's lowest tolerance for frustration combined with legit fine motor problems, so despite many, many attempts, it just wasn't happening. I alternated between telling myself it was all going to be OK eventually and breathing into a paper bag because for the sweet love of Moses the boy is 10, and at least one of me was on the right track, because look at this!



Now, don't get me wrong. Lots of mornings the boy walks to the car with his shoelaces flapping in the breeze, but either he's conning someone into doing it for him at school and child services is on its way as we speak, or he's tying them himself when he gets tired of tripping on them or his teacher nagging him. But I know he can do it, because I've seen it happen.

This brings to mind lots of times when I seriously thought the universe was trying to see how far it could push me before I snapped. Like the ONE time I made the mistake of taking both kids to the doctor together for checkups when Tweak was 3 and Tink was 14 months old. I stripped both kids down to diaper/underwear as requested and then took them to be weighed and measured. The nurse stood Tweak against the wall and said, because apparently she was smoking crack, "OK, stand up tall, and I'm going to bring this down and bonk you on the head." Cue complete loss of shizznit, falling on the floor. "No bonk! NOOOOOOOOO BONK! GET AWAY! YOU'RE MEAN!" I set Tink down to deal with Tweak, and she immediately made a mostly naked, barefoot dash to the waiting room, fully intending to keep going like Forrest Gump if it meant distancing herself from the embarrassing situation unfolding in the office. I couldn't blame her, really.

Everything is so much better now. Not because of anything I did, mind you, but because eventually, when he was ready, he got there. It's a huge reminder to me that sometimes the best thing I can do is stay out of the way, even when it gives me an eye twitch.

*Tongue in cheek, obviously.

8 comments:

  1. I have the same concerns sometimes about my son. He's 2.5yo and sometimes I wonder if there is something "off" going on. He's a very sensitive boy (much like your rabid octopus ref). But, I'm reminded all the time that they have their own personalities and are nor going to fit in the box we may think they should be in. He's a smart boy, just very trying at times, lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Mike! My son has a touch of Asperger's, though a lot of the stuff he does or doesn't do isn't problematic so much as quirky. That I can deal with. I'm learning only to focus on the things that could pose problems for school and relationships. I love the way his mind works, and I wouldn't change him for the world. The hypersensitivity does level out somewhat as they grow up.

      Delete
  2. I actually have a pair of tie up shoes meant to not be laced. Just saying. The world is weird.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I keep looking for slip-ons, or the kind with a bungee lace you can just cinch. But he really wanted those new sneakers.

      Delete
  3. So well said! I feel that your story can apply to us all, young and old, velcro or laces. Eventually we'll get to wherewe need to be. Maybe not on the same schedule as everyone else but we'll get there all the same.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! That's a good point - we have to be patient with ourselves, too, not just our kids.

      Delete
  4. Aww, I loved this! We talked about this a little last weekend! Good for Tweak and for you for "staying out of the way." Good lesson for me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My kid is 8 and just learned to tie his shoes. It's not MY FAULT the velcro ones are always on sale. Not my fault.

    ReplyDelete

Your comment will appear pending moderation.

You Might Also Like

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...