Tuesday, July 1, 2014

I Can't Explain It Either

Tonight's cocktail is a Pisco sour. Pisco is a spirit from Peru that sort of tastes like brandy, but with more of a bite. To make a Pisco sour, you shake the following really well with ice into a highball glass: 2 oz Pisco, 1 oz lime juice, 1/2 oz simple syrup, and an egg white. I actually threw mine in the blender to get the egg white very frothy. Then to garnish, top the foam with a few drops of Angostura bitters.

Last weekend, my kids were with their dad, and I partied, if by "partied," you mean "bought a new dishwasher and then cleaned and did laundry." During the process, I found the usual assortment of things in disconcerting places, which I've come to view as simply inexplicable, rather like Stonehenge or the monoliths of Easter Island. There's no use trying to fight it. It just IS.

Here are my favorite all-time examples.

1. My then-4 year old son's underwear in the driveway,

This was pretty much Tweak in those days.
discovered, of course, by a horrified Perfect Mommy who'd come over for a playdate and didn't stay long).

"How ... quaint."
2. Saltines in the bathtub (that was this weekend).

3. My toothbrush in the kitchen utensil drawer (tonight).

4. A chopstick under my son's pillow (perhaps used as a wand?).

5. A loaf of moldy challah bread under my daughter's bed (they go to Jewish day camp, and you can order challah for Friday nights, but ours wasn't in the bag one week ... or so I thought).

It was no longer delicious.
6. An entire chocolate cupcake, minus the frosting, shoved behind a chair cushion (bonus: ants!).

"How you doin'? I hear you got a little problem. I fix problems." - Mafia Anteater
7. Approximately 58 cat toys under the couch (score one for the furry child).

Image credit: The Metapicture
8. A stash of wadded-up snack chip bags in a bag of winter clothes.

They didn't even share!

9. Many years ago, a peed-in Pull-Up in the linen closet.

God makes them cute for a reason.
10. The batteries, back cover, and TV remote, disassembled, in the trunk of my car.

Now I can no longer find the back cover.
There you have it, ladies and gentlemen: 10 reasons I need a drink. Am I alone here? What's the weirdest thing your kids have stashed in the weirdest place?


  1. I love this!! You had me in stitches. I don't know what I liked better, the underwear in the driveway scarring miss perfect, or the moldy bread!!! Thanks for a well needed laugh!

    1. Thanks for reading, Kathy! Next time I tell my daughter to clean her room, I may live tweet it.

  2. I always find wet pullups around the house. And goldfish crackers everywhere...no biggie! Just means you are a real mom!

    1. Thanks! Really, for me, it was the fact that the pullup had been hidden so well (like, in the middle of a couple of old blankets mostly used for picnics and furniture moves)... and that my youngest was starting kindergarten at the time I found it. EWWWW!


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